Memo to self: remember to add title next time so editing isn’t required

It seems women are to get vibrators on the NHS. I’ve already made an appointment with my doctor to see about getting a prescription blow-up doll. I shall call her Candy.

And on the subject of couples, I popped down to Ikea in Croydon this morning (and have to agree with the recent survey that declared Streatham High Street to be the worst high street in Britain — though to be honest the rest of the route is hardly a shining example of urban planning at its best). Now I know Ikea has become the ‘MFI for a new millennium’, but to be fair it has some very well designed furniture at reasonable prices, and its stores are quite nicely thought-out. Except for when it comes to paying for your chosen wares and leaving the place. Like most big stores nowadays, they have an ‘express’ checkout; for some reason though, rather than the tried and tested ‘10 items or less’-type rule, the express checkouts are only for people carrying items in the in-store bags. Where’s the sense in that? I mean, I’d rather be queuing behind someone with one item on a trolley, than twenty items in a bag. Consequently, it took about five minutes to actually progress through the express checkout. Only a masochist could possibly considering venturing anywhere near Ikea at the weekend.

But my major gripe with Ikea comes along once one’s paid; outside the exit is a paved ‘loading area’, surrounded by metal posts to prevent trollies being taken into the car park. This doesn’t present a problem if there are two or more of you shopping — one person waits with the trolley, whilst the other brings the car round to them. However, if you’re on your own, what are you meant to do? Leave your trolley full of purchases unattended whilst you run off to bring your car to the loading area, hoping that nobody will swipe your Svenundhelga flat-pack wardrobe in the meantime? Presumably Ikea would say that you could ask a member of staff to mind your goodies as you hunt for your car (”Damn, sure I parked over by the left chimney…”), but this hardly seems like a sensible arrangement. Couldn’t they just make people pay a quid deposit for the trollies?

I’ve just discovered the The Simpsons Archive, which contains links to just about every bit of Simpsons trivia you could ever want. My favourite Simpsons web site is still the Simian References one, especially having watched the Helper “Pray for Mojo” Monkey episode again yesterday.

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