Drink driving

Well I’ve been back from Rob’s stag do for a week now, so it’s about time I posted here. Briefly: got the train to Penarth on the Friday, and ended up going out for ‘a bite to eat’ with Emma & Rob that night. Unwisely, the ‘quick pint’ turned into several, and we had three bottles of wine to go with the curry… plus some G&Ts back at their place afterwards with Pat and Ali. I finally hit the hay sometime after four. Oops.

As a result, we woke up on the morning of the stag day with hangovers from Hell, and Rob had to nip off to Tesco for a chemical cork to put a stop to his severe case of the trots. The other stag do-ers joined us at the flat and karting centre in Newport, where we prepared for the Grand Prix with another group on a stag weekend (about 40 of us in all).

Frankly, the last thing Rob and I felt like doing was donning overalls, balaclavas, gloves and crash helmets then sitting next to hot, noisy engines for hours, but somehow we managed to survive four heats and a semi final. Team Badger’s tactics went to pieces under those conditions, going from ‘win at all costs’ to ’slow and steady wins the race’, and the best I could manage was two 2nd places in the heats. Pat, number 2 driver for Team Badger fared little better. As usual, I managed to find the dodgy kart, and found myself without brakes when taking up pole position on the starting grid for one race. Everyone must have been thinking ‘What on earth is that idiot doing?’ as I trundled off past the grid and around the course at 5mph. Thank God there was a steep incline, otherwise there could have been carnage.

In the end, only one of our group made it through to the final — Team Hopkins managed to stay in third position throughout the race, until he got confused at the last minute, and was robbed of third place.

We had a digital video camera with us, but as Rob’s got it with him in the States right now, hopefully these artist’s impressions capture the glamour and excitement of the afternoon.

The karting was great fun, but I have to say it wasn’t till we had pizza and chips back at Rob’s that I started feeling human again. The drinking started at about 7pm, first at the flat, then a swift pint in the Railway, before heading into Cardiff. For some reason (well, cheap rounds) we went to the Prince of Wales for several hours. Imagine a large old Victorian theatre converted to a bar. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Now imagine a large old Victorian theatre converted by Wetherspoons — devoid of character, full of people not-quite-fully-evolved-from-apes. Still, we had a good laugh, especially when Rob knocked over a table and smashed about thirty glasses. After the Prince of Wales things get a bit hazy… more drink, a bit of (not lap) dancing. Ended up in the Toucan Club, before getting a taxi back to Rob & Emmas, where Em (back from her hen night) got some nice footage of Rob asleep with a novelty chocolate penis in his mouth. Well, it has to be done, doesn’t it?

I stayed around until Monday, when I returned to London to find a horrible load of work waiting for me. Rob & Em set off for Vegas on Wednesday, with Fear & Loathing as their only guide. Doubtless they’ve spent the last few days slowly revolving round the bar at Circus Circus.

Anyway, had an email yesterday to say that the wedding will be taking place this evening (Monday 5th), 8.30pm UK time. Troy’s back from Les Arcs now, so I’ve arranged to watch the live video stream of the service with him this evening — if you want to tune in, you’ll find the happy couple getting hitched at The Little Chapel. I can’t believe Rob’s getting married.

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