washed up charidee
As if the earthquake and tsunami hadn’t caused enough suffering already, now Cliff Richard, Boy George and a handful of other has-beens have decided to record a charideee record written by Smashie-turned-failed-musical-producer Mike Read.
The song, titled Grief Never Grows Old and described as a melancholy ballad, was written by radio DJ Mike Read.
Former Boyzone singer Ronan Keating may also take part if a studio can be found close to where he is holidaying in Switzerland.
Other music stars being approached include Robin and Barry Gibb of The Bee Gees, jazz sensation Jamie Cullum, Chris Rea and Olivia Newton-John.
Could these wankers not just anonymously donate a small fraction of their pre-tax earnings instead?
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For all you know, these people have already contributed a substantial sum of their own money. At least one of them regularly does so, with or without the prompting of particular distasters.
Gratuitous insults say more about you than about any of them.
Sorry it’s taken me a few days to respond Tim.
Well good for him or her. Why not just keep it private then? It’s not as though the appeal needs its profile raising at the moment – maybe in 6 months time, when the media has found itself a new story – the British public have donated very generously. I take it from your Christian-sounding domain name that you’re talking about Sir Cliff? Do you really not think that sometimes celebrities’ motives are slightly cynical, or are you one of those charmingly naive Christians that sees only good in people?
My insult says I’m sick of self-important, self-serving “stars” using any old charidee to boost their profiles and rampant egos. I’m sick of this screwed up world where vacuous celebrities are considered more important than people suffering through disease, poverty, wars and religions. And I’m sick of bloody crap singles.
Mr Cheesy DJ, who’s always fancied himself as some great singer-songwriter (remember when he used to play his guitar on his Radio 1 show?), writes and stages a dire musical based on the life of Oscar Wilde. The show gets mauled by the critics, ticket sales are pitiful, and he’s publicly ridiculed when it closes after one night. Hmmm, how can our protagonist rebuild his shattered musical career? He needs some good publicity, something to prove what a popular and talented guy he is.
Cue terrible disaster in Asia, hundreds of thousands dead, millions affected. Cue crass opportunism.
Why not get a few has-been musical mates round and put out a charidee record! He’s got some old song knocking about, so no need to actually bother writing something meaningful about the disaster (after all, his chums keep telling him how good the song is). Guaranteed hit. Guaranteed good publicity for his talents and restored reputation. And maybe even make a few quid “for the children”. Lovely.
So he gets in Sir Cliff, Patron Saint of Trite Christmas Singles, Bill “Wanna See Some Puppies?” Wyman, the remaining Gibb brothers and Boy George, plus a handful of other talents. Even Ronan Keating agrees to sing on the record, so long as he can find a recording studio near his holiday ski resort in the Alps (wow, really going that extra mile to help, Ronan).
And so the musical turd that is Grief Never Grows Old drops into the world. Kind of a shame they couldn’t have made it a double A-side, backed with Sir Cliff’s take on the Lord’s Prayer. (“Our Father, who art in Heaven, please stop doing shitty things to people that don’t deserve it” perhaps?)
OK, maybe I was a little harsh — I’m sure some of the has-beens are doing it with the very best of intentions. And if it manages to raise Mike’s estimate of £2 million for the disaster relief, who cares if it’s one of the worst singles ever recorded, right? Well, considering just the Gibb brothers and Sir Cliff combined are worth £134 (and the other
artists aren’t exactly Big Issue sellers either), that £2 million doesn’t look quite so impressive.
Now, for the sake of argument let’s say the single will go on sale for £3.99. If, as has been reported, £1.50 of each sale actually goes on recording, promo and distribution costs, that means out of every £3.99 spent, the DEC only gets £2.49. Whereas if people donate direct to DEC, the fund gets the full £3.99. Did this not occur to the people making the record, or didn’t they care?
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to comment, even if we don’t see eye-to-eye on the matter. You might find this amusing; or if I haven’t persuaded you, this might be more your sort of thing…