Posts Tagged ‘voodoo’

Blunkett’s resigned, again, having proved he’s still not quite got the hang of that not-mixing-business-with-pleasure thing. Now not wanting to sound smug, but I like to think my Blunkett Voodoo Doll played a small part in this. Again. Of course I’ll be keeping the doll around for the day when Blair inevitably gives Blunkett a job as an EU Commissioner.

Update: (via Bloggerheads) Let’s all chip in and get him something nice.

I suppose I ought to follow up my previous posts with a comment on the election result.

Sadly the Lib Dems didn’t manage to unseat the Labour MP here, so Dulwich residents are going to be suffering from another four years of Irritable Jowell Syndrome. Her majority did go down by about 4,000, mostly in favour of the Lib Dems, but it still wasn’t close enough for me to feel guilty about voting Green. Around here, the Green candidate received 6.5 per cent of votes, and increase of 1.5%.

This election did nothing to restore my faith in this country’s so-called democracy; despite winning no more than 35 per cent of votes, Labour was still able to secure a comfortable majority of 67. Only 20 per cent of eligible voters voted Labour — the lowest figure in modern times — yet they’re allowed to run the country (in fact more people chose not to vote than actually voted for this government). Not to mention the 39 police investigations into allegations of postal ballot fraud. Clearly less keen on democracy at home than abroad… do as we say, not as we do.

The media must take a lot of the blame for the situation though. They consitently failed to raise many important issues, and tended to pose the most light-weight questions to the politicians. Paxman v Blair was pathetic (and Paxman’s Galloway interview made him look like a sad parody of himself worthy of Chris Morris). John Pilger’s written a good piece on this for the New Statesman:

The media coverage of this past election was a pastiche. Our right to know what our rulers are doing to people the world over is being lost in the new propaganda consensus.

And of course no sooner are Nu Labour back in power than they’re up to their old tricks. First Mandelson, now Blunkett…. Why do they call it a resignation? If a minister has done something that warrants resigning over, why should they be allowed back into government a few months later? That’s not resigning, that’s keeping your head down until the storm blows over and the media move on to another story. In other words, a bit of a holiday. Not even an unpaid holiday in Blunkett’s case — Blair allowed him to keep his grace-and-favour London residence and ministerial Jag.

In fact, since being forced to resign, Blunket has reportedly made £70,000 from extra-parliamentary work. This includes ignoring anti-sleaze guidelines and taking a job with Indepen Consulting Ltd, receiving between £15-20,000 from them. The company helps its clients develop a “relationship” with government; clients include Anglian Water, South West Trains, Thames Water, MM02 and T Mobile. Looks like I’m going to have to get my Blunkett Voodoo Doll out again.

Hurrah! That deranged wanker’s gone!

There’s no point in me displaying false modesty; clearly it was World of Badger that forced David Blunkett to resign (or for the Sun readers, It Was Badger Wot Done It). Let’s examine the evidence:

• November 25th: I announce my intention to stop Blunkett with my David Blunkett Voodoo Doll.
• November 27th: allegations emerge that Blunkett used his position to fast-track Ms Quinn’s nanny’s visa application.
• November 28th: Tony Blair expresses his “full confidence” in Draconian Dave — pretty much the kiss of death really.
• December 13th: yet again Blunkett’s lies are revealed to be scaremongering bullshit; the peace protestors that were stopped at RAF Fairford under anti-terrorism laws turned out not to be armed with “cudgels and swords” as he had previously stated. They were in fact armed with kites.
• Today: David Blunkett resigns at 6pm. Voodoo 1, Mad Politician 0.

So now I’ve demonstrated the forces of black magic, the question is, who’s next? Which corrupt, right-wing government minister shall next feel the power of the World of Badger Doll of Voodoo? Simon phoned in the adverts during the Simpsons to congratulate me and to put in an early vote for Blair. But there are so many to choose from, and perhaps we should leave the best til last…? I’ve always thought Peter Hain was a smug little turd, and of course there’s old Jack ‘Boot’ Straw, or Geoff ‘Buff’ Hoon. Feel free to nominate your least favourite politician.

I would suggest Kilroy-Silk, but it seems someone’s already on the case…

So within a few days of posting my Blunkett Voodoo Doll, the Home Secretary’s embroiled in big scandal. Coincidence or black magic? You decide…

I wonder if we’ll see him storming the House of Lords dressed in his Fathers 4 Justice Batman outfit soon?

As we all know, David Blunkett is a dangerous madman and must be stopped before he turns this country into an Orwellian nightmare. But how do we go about stopping him? Now IANAL, but I guess that there are probably laws against running up to the Home Secretary and felling him with lethal kung fu blow to the windpipe, or turning Sadie into viscious attack hound with the aid of some acid and a tin of Chum. So I applied a bit of lateral thinking and came up with the solution: Voodoo!

This is the reason I haven’t posted for a while; I’ve been beavering away trying to create a David Blunkett Voodoo Doll (initial design concept pictured above). I had hoped to start producing them in time to line the shelves of Hamley’s before the Christmas rush – a nice stocking-filler for the kiddies – but sadly I’m running a little behind schedule. Just imagine 20,000 children eagerly pushing pins into the doll during the Queen’s Speech — it’d be bye-bye ID cards by Boxing Day, and all without breaking the law. Brilliant eh?

No mention of Voodoo, but very good nonetheless: Christopher Applegate’s David Blunkett Policy Maker — draconian rhetoric, whenever you want it.